Tears of Letting Go
by Dark Sorcerer of Fire
Summary: To end a relationship that you'd been holding to last forever is the hardest thing to do.What life could be there if they went on their separate ways. Can Taichi find the strength to let Yamato go?Would Yamato find the freedom he'd been looking for?
1. It's Over

**Summary:** It's not wrong to give it all when you love and it's not wrong to give up wonderful things to make everything alright. But how long will you love someone whom you know cannot return your feelings anymore and how many wonderful things you would give up if it's already hurting you? Johan Lee proudly presents a story of two people who was trapped in a broken relationship. One was afraid to be left and one was waiting to be free. A story for all the **Yamachi **fans.

**Dark Sorcerer of Fire: **Hi everyone this is my very first Digimon story, well the very first successful to be publish since I dumped my 3 previous story, A Long Road To A Happy Ever After, Painful Choices and Dreadful Revenge. But I'm still going to work those stories out because they're all interesting, maybe next year. Though I have to warn you people this is a **YAMACHI FICTION **so it means it's a Yaoi fic (Shounenai). So if you're not comfortable with it then turn your backs and get lost. Find something that would please you and don't bother me. Talk about freedom of expression so respect me and I'll respect you.

**Standard Diclaimer:**I don't own Digimon and any of its character because if I did, you're not sitting in front of your computer and reading this fanfic. Instead, you're sitting inside the theatre and watching this story on a big huge screen with matching popcorn and soda (plus if you have someone special like boyfriend or girlfriend who support yaoi digmon stories especially Yamachi and Taito).

**Warnings: **Some strong languages, shounen ai, angst.

**Tears of Letting Go**

**By: Johan Lee**

**Chapter 1: It's Over**

It's already dark when he reached their apartment, where he lived with his beautiful blonde boyfriend. It's been a year since they'd decided to live together. He was so happy about it, though Yamato was a bit unsure at first but he agreed in the end.

Taichi started working as a waiter in a coffee shop owned by Sora's uncle, Mr. Jino Takenouchi. After a month or so, he started his second job as a janitor at Odaiba Hospital where his friend, Jyou was a doctor-in-training. While Yamato and his band, The Wolves was performing in one of the famous club in Odaiba every Friday and Saturday nights. They were both happy for the past six months of their relationship of living together. They started dating when they were 17 and were both accepted by their family and friends. Things in their lives where going smooth and perfect. But one day came, and thins started to change afterwards.

Yamato's band split up for no apparent reason. Well maybe there is but Yamato never tell them why, not even Taichi know. Yamato was so upset with that and they all understand him. His band started when he was 14 in getting more popular when he turned 17. It was his dream, everything in his life revolves around his band and Taichi. He mentioned before that he want his band to become famous and well known in music industry. They were very close to success until that day came and all his dreams crumbled down his feet.

Then Yamato started going out every night and he often come home late and extremely drunk. Taichi didn't say anything though he's well aware what the other was doing. "Yamato's just having a hard time about what happened to his band." He explained every time their worried friends asked him. "he'll get over it."

But Taichi started to worry when Yamato keep on doing this for the next 4 months. It wasn't normal anymore. He planned t o talked to Yamato about it but he never get the chance. It's either his at work or the other was out. Taichi also started his third job at night as a cashier in a convenient store, since Yamato wasn't performing anymore. But what makes Taichi get more worried was Yamato getting cold in their relationship. And their sex life wasn't healthy anymore like they used to be. The thought of Yamato with someone else makes him shudder. What if Yamato leave him? He has to do something. He wants to know the truth. But, does he really want to know? What if all his speculations were true? What would he do?

The house was dark when opened it. Much to his disappointment, the blonde wasn't there, again. He makes his way to the kitchen to prepare some food for dinner. It's still early though, luckily it's Saturday, no work at the convenient store. Half an hour later, two plates were placed on the table next to each other. Taichi sat on the chair as usual, waiting for a certain blonde to come home.

He's been doing this since Yamato's going out started. Even if sometimes he ended up falling asleep to his spot on the couch or in the dining table. The next thing he knew, he was being lifted by someone and being carried inside their bedroom. Well, maybe Yamato still care. He still wouldn't let Taichi sleep on the couch or in the dining table. Taichi needs a more comfortable place to sleep since he's working hard for their living. He still found Yamato's arm firmly placed around his waist. And he still feels his warm breath tickling the back of his neck every morning he wakes up.

Taichi found himself smiling at the thoughts, until he heard someone opening and closing the door, followed by muffled footsteps. Thankfully he wouldn't wait that long.

'It's probably 'Yama' he thought to himself while he got up from the table and walked to be greeted by an unpleasant drunk Yamato.

"You're drunk Again Yama." He commented while he followed his boyfriend to the living room.

"Just a little," was the only reply when they sat on the couch. Headache was forming inside his skull. He felt like there's a hammer that was consistently pounding his head.

Curiously, Taichi began asking questions. "Where have you been tonight?" he move closer to his boyfriend and began massaging his temple. "You shouldn't drink too much Yama." "Are you hungry?"

"I've already ate," Yamato answered with a gentle shake of his head, careful not to worsen his headache.

"Okay" the brunette smile understandingly, he got up from the couch and disappeared into the kitchen. "I'll just put the food inside the fridge, if you get hungry just heat it, 'kay." He just heard a simple 'yeah' after he grabbed some painkillers from the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and returned in the living room with a glass of water and painkillers.

Yamato swallowed the pills and took a long sip of water then handed the glass to the brunette.

Taichi place the glass on the coffee table and sat on Yamato's lap. He put his hands under the blonde's neck and lent in for a kiss. But Yamato broke the kiss immediately.

"Tai, I'm tired! This is not the time for this." he complained.

Taichi stand up from Yamato's lap and sat on either side of the blonde. Rejection and disappointment was written on his face.

They both sat in uncomfortable silence.

"Are you seeing someone else lately?" Taichi suddenly asked out of nowhere. He can't keep it anymore. Curiosity was killing him. He needs to know the truth or else he would keep on worrying every day.

Yamato look at him with a frown, "What?" he felt his anger boiled up. Is Taichi accusing him being unfaithful? What does he know anyway?

"I said, are you seeing someone else lately," the brunette repeated his question demandingly.

"What's that question all about?" he stands up, "Are you accusing me of cheating on you because I turn you down in a kiss?" he felt suddenly furious now.

"Why, aren't you?" Taichi exploded, standing up. All his patience broke in a sudden." You're always leaving, then you went home late or sometimes you didn't even show up for days like you have some business trip or something! What's your excuse, you didn't even have your own job so you can help me with our expenses especially your luxurious teenage-like living!" That was true, Yamato couldn't argue with that, but what Taichi said next melted his guilt and triggered his anger.

"Instead you always went out clubbing every night with 'who knows' who you are with. Will you stop being pain in the ass Yama! Will you just get over on what happened to your band, it-"

Whatever he was going to say was cut-off by a strong slap on his face. Yamato just slap him. He stared at him in disbelief, tears was forming in his chocolate brown eyes. How could he?

"Leave my friends out of this, and I'm not seeing anyone!" he snarled gruffly. "So now you're saying that I'm not a good boyfriend, huh?" he grabbed the brunette's arm and yanked him forward vigorously. "Why? Did I tell you to take multiple jobs to sustain our needs? And whose idea of 'moving and living together', isn't it you?" Yamato nearly hissed, throwing Taichi's arm out of his grip. "So stop flaunting me this shit 'coz I didn't ask you to do it." He roared. He took a deep breath and sigh, "I'm tired I don't have time for thi-"

"Tired or not you always have no time for me!" Taichi cut him off. "You didn't even want to kiss me, you didn't even seem to care about me!"His crying now and his body were shaking violently. "If there's someone here who's tired IT'S ME! I keep on understanding you, even if you never explain why you're acting like this. I've done everything for this relationship to work out." He shouted.

"Well maybe this relationship isn't working anymore!" Yamato countered back. "Maybe I'd stop believing! Maybe I don't love you anymore! Maybe we should end this!

Taichi stared at him. He couldn't believe what Yamato have just said. He uttered the words that Taichi feared to hear. 'Stop believing. He'd stopped believing! And… he doesn't love me anymore.' A set of fresh tears started to form in his eyes. He felt weak, his body felt numb.

Yamato started to walk towards the door, while Taichi slowly slump down on the floor.

'It's over!'

Yamato was about to step outside when he heard the faint sobs of Taichi. "It's over!" the brunette whispered silently but it reached the blonde's ear. Yamato stop on his track, he wants to turn back and comfort the other, to tell him he didn't mean it. But he no! 'It's for t he better' he thought.

'It's over'- where have he heard that before?

He glanced back at the brunette once again. "Goodbye Taichi." He said quietly and started to walk away.

Yamato yanked his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed his brother's number.

"Hello, Nii-san."

"Can I come over?"

"Why? Is something happened?" the younger blonde curiously asked his brother.

"Yeah." There was a pause on the other line.

"What happened?" Takeru demanded.

"It's Tai." Takeru suddenly felt nervous. He was sure that whatever happened is not really good.

"Okay I'll wait you here. You're going to tell me the whole story the moment you got here."

"I will." Yamato feel something on Takeru's voice.

"Okay bye." They hang up.

Yamato arrived to Takeru's place shortly. It was a 5 minutes drive.

"So what happened?" Takeru questions his brother, voice was demanding.

"It's over," here it go again, what's with those words. "I broke up with him."

"What?" Takeru yelled in surprise. "Have you gone crazy Yamato? Why'd you do that?"

"Takeru, what do you want me to do? It's not working anymore." He reasoned stubbornly, voice was rising in an angry tone. Though he was expecting this from his brother, they've gone to arguments a million times before. His just wondering why Takeru was over reacting when it comes to Taichi.

"Because you're stupid Yamato!" the younger blonde snapped.

"What? So it's all my f-"

"Yes it was! Who do you think Matt?" Takeru cut him off. "You're going out every night, drinking and fucking someone else while Taichi's fucking killing himself from working to give you whatever you want. He's doing everything for your relationship to work out but you didn't even seem to care!" Takeru's face was red in anger. His once calm blue eyes were blazing.

"Because I don't love him anymore!" Yamato yelled back stubbornly.

Takeru glare at him with eyes full of anger, but never said anything. Yamato took this opportunity to speak, ignoring the glare his brother was giving to him. "I don't know when did I stop believing in our relationship but it would be the best for us. Please understand me Takeru. I know you're worrying about Tai but what about me? How about my feelings?" he explained, meaning every word but that's not how Takeru saw it.

"You're feelings huh? That's all that matters to you." Yamato winced at the tone of his brother's voice. Why is Takeru acting like this? "You're fucking selfish Yamato. You're just like Haruki."

Haruki? That was Taichi's ex-boyfriend. Yamato look up.

"No you're the worst, Yamato." Yamato opened his mouth, and then closed it. It seems like he cannot voice out his thoughts. What would he say anyway?

Takeru stood up abruptly and grabbed his coat. He was really pissed at Yamato and he need to get out of the room before he could do something stupid. His only concern now was Tai. "I wish he wouldn't do anything stupid to himself." He mumbled.

Yamato's head shoot up by hearing this. Though his mind couldn't clearly process what his brother had said. "What? What are you talking about?" he asked as an irrepressible yawn escaped his lips. He really felt tired, considering what had happened today. He stood up, approaching his brother standing on the doorway. "Stop worrying about Taichi, he'll get over it. He just needs time." He reassured his brother and smiled trying to lighten up the mood.

Takeru curled his knuckles until it turned white. 'Smiling, smiling like there's nothing happened'. And that's it! He couldn't take it anymore. Age and respect have been forgotten as Takeru's fist came flying and hit his brother's jaw hardly.

Yamato stumbled backward on the floor clutching his jaw. He stared at his younger brother in astonishment. Surely they'd been in many arguments about Tai before but it never came to the point of fist fighting. It's the first time Takeru hurt him physically because of Taichi. The glare that Takeru sent to him makes him shudder. He looked ready to kill. Yamato never thought he was capable really.

Takeru grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him upward. He stared at the blazing blue pools that were glaring at him. His eyes were watery; tears were threatening to fall anytime soon. And it did, each tear the fall held many emotions; disgust, betrayal, regrets and something he'd never seen before.

"How? How could you do that to Taichi?"

Yamato could tell his brother was trying to force down a sob by the way he speak, his voice was shaky. "How come you didn't even know what would possibly happen to if you leave him? Have you already forgotten Yamato? HAVE YOU ALREADY FORGOTTEN WHAT HAD HAPPENED IN THE HOSPITAL THREE YEARS AGO?" He snarled angrily as he throws his brother on the floor. "YOU WERE THERE YAMATO! YOU WERE THERE! YOU'VE WITNESSED ON HOW HE TRIED TO KILL HISELF IN FRONT OF EVERYONE WHEN THAT STUPID BASTARD HARUKI DUMPED HIM! DO YOU WANT THAT DAY TO HAPPEN AGAIN?"

Yamato's eyes widen as realization hit him. Images of the pas flash before his eyes. The trails of blood. The scream of frightened people. The hospital's roof top. The negotiation. The slip. The fall. His hands. His hands that save the boy's life.

'It's over! It's over! He's gone, he'd left me and I'm all alone. No one loves me, no one cares for me. He's the only one I have. It's over! My life has no meaning without him. I want to die. I WANT TO DIE!'

Yamato sat there trembling. 'What have I done? How in the hell did I forget that?' his eyes were wide and his mouth was hanging open he want to stand up but his body won't follow. He felt numb.

Takeru grabbed him again and punch him harder this time but it doesn't hurt anymore. "I could never forgive you Yamato if something bad happened to him. I thought I could trust you enough to take care of him but I was wrong!" he took a deep breath and sigh tremulously. " I step out of the way at the thought that you could take care of him more than I could but I was completely wrong."

At this, Takeru didn't even bother to force down a sob anymore as he let his own misery come out. "You don't know how lucky you to have someone like him in your life who loves you so much. You don't know how much I like to be in your place; how I wish that it's me. You don't even know Matt." He said as he grabbed his coat on the floor and walked out of the room, living his brother to comprehend what he had just said. The door slammed shut loudly, breaking Yamato out of his trance. After a moment, he stood up and dash out of the apartment with only one thing on his mind. A certain brunette that he'd hurt so much.

"Taichi."

-end of chapter-

**Dark Sorcerer of Fire**: So how was that? Well I hope you all guyz enjoyed. Reviews would be appreciated. Comments and Suggestions are welcome because I know you're curious about everything. There are so many surprises to come, chapter 2 will b e up soon. I just don't know when. So people please review and flames won't be taken very seriously. Talk about FIRE and nature. And sorry for some grammatical mistakes and spellings.

See you next chapter!


	2. The Horrible Past

**Summary: **To end a relationship that you'd been holding to last forever is the hardest thing to do. What life could be there when they finally went on their separate ways?. Can Taichi find the strength to let Yamato go? Would Yamato find the freedom he'd been looking for?

**Dark Sorcerer of Fire: **Chuk chenes to the world!Hello people! I would like to thank all my readers and reviewers and to those who put this on their story alerts. Thank you very much. Your support makes the fire barrier of this story to be tight to keep the **white flame** from glowing. Hope you would always support this story. Your reviews would keep the **white flame **(soul of the story) alive. I've change the summary for this story because I'd just realize that I don't like the first one.

I also want to say sorry if I there are some people who's complaining and disappointed about Tai and Yama being out of the character and Yama and T.K.'s brotherly relationship. But I have my own reasons and this story is already planned. It's just a part of the story. You'll find out soon if you keep on reading. And soor I forgot to tell you this is an **AU**. Digimon doesn't exist. Well enough of this go on and read.

**Standard Diclaimer:**I don't own Digimon and any of its character because if I did, you're not sitting in front of your computer and reading this fanfic. Instead, you're sitting inside the theatre and watching this story on a big huge screen with matching popcorn and soda (plus if you have someone special like boyfriend or girlfriend who support yaoi digmon stories especially Yamachi and Taito).

**Warnings:**Some strong languages, shounen ai, bags of angst, AU.

**Tears of Letting Go**

**By: Johan Lee**

**Chapter 2: The Horrible Past**

Yamato yanked open his car's door forcefully the moment he got out of Takeru's apartment. He started his engine and pulled out the driveway. His body was trembling because of nervousness. His heart was pounding hardly on his ribs. "Taichi, be okay please!" he prayed silently.

He couldn't believe himself, he'd completely forgotten. Maybe it's just the alcohol or maybe the drugs he'd taken earlier that night. Yeah, maybe that's just it, those makes him forget. But he shouldn't have said that, he was drunk to make such decision like that. Now he was regretting every word he'd said to Taichi, and it makes him feel awfully guilty, he didn't deserve it. Maybe the saying was right. _Never make any promises when you're HAPPY and Don't make any decision when you're ANGRY._ Yeah, it was absolutely right.

He slammed his foot on the gas pedal and the car sped up. Tears slide down his cheeks as he remembered the horrible past three years ago.

It all started in a fine-weathered Sunday afternoon where Yamato and Takeru was having a peaceful brotherly bonding at the park. They were occasionally talking, laughing, eating their favorite ice cream and sharing some latest issues that were currently happening in their lives. Yamato was talking about his band's upcoming gig when Takeru received a phone call from Hikari. He had known Hikari as a close friend of Takeru and he was suspecting a little that something was happening between the two. Takeru was also been hanging around a lot recently with Taichi Yagami, Hikari's older brother. No, he has nothing against him; Takeru has all the right to befriend with anyone he likes as long as they didn't influence him in a bad way. And besides, Taichi was a nice person (that's what he think, anyway), he was not one of the most popular guys in school but he was not hard to notice because of his earth-defying mass of chocolate brown hair. He'd seen him many times in school hallways, cafeteria and locker room talking and laughing with some of his friends. But the truth is; their paths had never crossed even if he was a friend of his brother. They don't have the same classes together and maybe the main reason was; they don't have the same interest in life. Yamato was in a band and Taichi was in a basketball team along with Takeru. They are not a part of each other's life, until this day happened.

Hikari had called because of an emergency kind of reason. Yamato has no idea what was happening, but judging on Takeru's worried expression, he was sure that it was a serious matter. They reached the apartment complex where the Yagami have been residing shortly after they'd received the phone call. Yamato pulled in into a parking spot and put the car on park. They burst inside the building with Takeru leading their way since he knew the place better than Yamato who was just trailing behind. They round a corner towards the staircase. They had manage to doubled their pace by skipping two to three steps at a time and reached the seventh floor in no time. After passing a couple of identical doors, Takeru stopped in front of one where a wooden name plate that read "Yagami Residence" was hanging on the door. He was panting heavily the same as Yamato who was leaning forward with his hands resting on his knees, trying to regain his breath. Takeru knocked on the door loudly and the door opened instantly, revealing an extremely worried Hikari who was on the verge of crying.

They found out that Hikari's brother, Taichi, was locked or more accurately, had locked himself inside the bathroom for almost an hour. Hikari told them that she went out for a while to buy some groceries and when she got back, she found out that Taichi had locked himself inside. They tried to look for the keys but it seems like Taichi have those with him. Yamato tried to listen for some sort of noise or movement but hear nothing so they'd decided to force the door open. After cursing and kicking the door several times, with a forceful kick, the door finally swung opened, revealing Taichi sprawled out on the floor, motionless.

Their eyes widen and a unanimous gasp was heard. "Taichi!" the younger boy exclaimed and immediately rushed to the lying man's side. Few medical pills was scattered around the bathroom floor. A white foamy substance was trickling down his pale lips to his neck. Takeru scooped his head and held the brunette in his arm. "Oh my God, Taichi! What happened to you?"

Hikari stood there in complete shock, cupping her mouth. Her knees started to buckle and tears started to sting her eyes. She can't even find the strength to approach her brother.

Yamato walked to the other side of the brunette and checked his pulse. He was still alive. He turned his gazed to his brother and saw that his eyes were starting to water and was struggling, trying to lift the larger man. Yamato leaned forward, scooping Taichi up with one arm supporting his back and the other was positioned under his knees. He stood up slowly, carefully, trying to balance himself as he lifted the brunette. Takeru look up at him, a little surprise at his brother's action. Ignoring his brother, Yamato exited the bathroom carrying Taichi. Wordlessly, the younger teens followed him outside as they all went down the apartment complex. They've reached the car shortly and rushed to the hospital, not wanting to waste a second as a life was threateningly might be taken by death at any moment.

At the hospital, Taichi was immediately sent to the emergency room. Hikari and the Ishida brothers were asked to stay in the waiting room. Hikari was sitting beside Yamato, eyes were closed and hands were clasped together, silently praying for his brother to be okay. On the other side, Takeru was obviously anxious about the situation. He was twitching on his seat once in a while as he eyed the door leading to the E.R. and he was nervously shaking his legs absent-mindedly. Yamato was seated between the two; arms were folded over his chest and were silently lost in his own thoughts. Though he was quite annoyed to Takeru who can't keep himself stayed still on his seat, he completely understand him seeing how close his brother to the Yagami siblings. He was worried to Taichi too even if they didn't know each other personally.

Everything that had happened was a complete blur to Yamato but it slowly making sense to him. Taichi had just committed suicide. He'd heard about people committing suicide before. It's either they're insane or they're having some sort of depression. But he didn't understand why people tried to kill themselves. It was a stupid thing to do. For Yamato, it was a sign of weakness.

"Hikari!"

A woman in her mid-thirty wearing business attire burst through the door leading into the waiting room. She has a long light brown hair, similar to Hikari and was simply tied up in her back.

"Mom!"

The called girl exclaimed, jumping from her seat and approached her mother, hugging her affectionately.

"What happened 'Kari, oh my God I was so worried. Luckily I was already on my way back home. What happened to you brother? Is he alright?" the woman began asking questions. Hikari began telling her what had happened back in their apartment and her mother almost burst out crying as she told her how Taichi was when they found him almost dead in the bathroom floor.

"…and we rushed him here in the hospital. I panicked and I was so worried, I don't know what to do. Thankfully, Yamato and Takeru came. Oh and by the way Mom, this is Yamato, Takeru's brother. He was really a great help." She said pointing to the taller blonde who was standing behind her.

Yuuko approached the two blonde brothers. "Thank you so much for your help Yamato and Takeru. You don't know how thankful I was for what you've done." She gave them a hug of appreciation which they've returned gratefully with a smile and a gentle pat on her back to show their compassion.

"Taichi was so lucky to have some friends like you." Yamato flinched inwardly at the mention of 'friend'. He felt uncomfortable with the word at the fact that he wasn't a friend of Taichi. However, the warm feeling inside him had erased all the negative thoughts in his mind. He felt happy and he found himself smiling. Maybe after this, he and Taichi might become friends, or maybe something more. He felt his face heat up at the thought and shook his head. 'Where did that come from?'

Suddenly, the door to the emergency room opened and a doctor came out. The four of them stood up and approached the man in white coat. Taichi's mother spoke first, worry was still written all over her aging face.

"How's my son? Is he alright?"

The doctor smiled, adjusting his thin transparent eyeglasses. "Your son was alive." he said. "The drugs had been successfully removed from his stomach. Though he might stay unconscious for a couple of days as an effect of the drugs he's taken. There's no serious internal damage so you don't have to worry about that."

They all happily sighed in unison and a smile overcame their worried expression. Hikari jumped to her feet and hugged Takeru who returned it joyfully. A smile also appeared on Yamato's face but it suddenly disappears when he saw the doctor's expression and he felt that something not really good was coming.

"However," the doctor started, catching the attention of the other three occupants of the room. "a problem might occur when he wakes up. And that's what I want to discuss to you at my office."

Inside the doctor's office, they all sat anxiously waiting for the doctor to start up. After a moment, his assistant came inside and hand a green folder to him. He opened the folder and scanned its content.

"Well, I asked my assistant to check on Taichi's medical background and I found out that he was gone in a depression before when he was younger." The doctor looked at Mrs. Yagami, silently demanding for any kind of explanation.

The older woman nodded, understanding the silent message of his eyes. She cleared her throat and began.

"Taichi was very close to his father when he was younger. They do things mostly with each other and I remember his father always took him to the park and taught him how to play soccer. He's father was his idol." She paused for a moment and continued. "Then one day, I found out that his father was having an affair with his co-worker. We tried to fix our problems for the sake of our children but things just didn't work out. We we're divorced a month before Taichi's 7th birthday and after that he just disappeared in our life. Taichi was so upset about his father, he skipped meals, he locked himself inside his room and he spent his whole day crying over his father." She shook her head sadly, remembering the pain her son had experienced at his very young age.

Yamato sat there still, he felt sad to hear Taichi's childhood story. On his side, Takeru felt the same, hearing it just make him want to comfort Taichi. He hated it seeing him upset and sad. If he could just take all the pain, he would. He didn't know when he had started to feel this way towards the older boy but it doesn't matter to him anyway. He likes it when Taichi smile and he loved hearing him laugh. That's why he always makes funny things around the brunette; to see Taichi happy was all that mattered to him. Even if sometimes it means for him to bleed.

Yuuko spoke again, breaking the thick atmosphere of uncomfortable silence. "I brought him to a psychiatrist and it almost took him two months before he started to be himself again. Aside from his soccer hobby, which he stopped playing that sport because it always reminds him of his father, everything went to normal again. I thought that would be the last time I saw him like that but I was wrong. A lot of unexpected things had happened that made him depressed." She started listing things and events that made Taichi gone depressed again. All in all, it's all about close people who had left.

"Based on what you have said, Taichi was having a trouble dealing with a situation where a closed person to him was about to leave. He was afraid to be left, that's what makes him depressed. It means, what triggered his depression this time is surely a person who was very close to him. Do you know who this person might be?" the doctor asked, after he informed them about what things or situations triggered his depression.

Yuuko just shook her head dejectedly. "That's what actually one of the problem. He didn't open things with me anymore like he usually did. I don't know!" she stated sadly.

The doctor nodded and turned to Hikari. "How about you, miss? I assumed that you are very close to your brother and trust you enough to tell you something about his problem. Do you know anyone close to your brother that made him depressed?" All heads turned to her, expecting for a helpful answer. She smiled nervously as she swallowed a lump that was starting to form in her throat. Maybe it was time to tell them the truth.

"well…uhhh… uhmm…." She stuttered as she nervously shifted on her seat. How was she going to say this? Well, whatever happens, this is for the sake of her brother. She loudly cleared her throat and took as deep breath.

"I promised Taichi I would never tell you Mom, but I think it's time for you to know." She said. Yuuko stared at her, silently urging her to continue.

"Well, Taichi was… Taichi… was…"

"Taichi was what?" Yuuko snapped impatiently.

" Taichi was gay!" she blurted out loudly.

The room fell silent. Yamato stared at her open-mouthed, not believing what she had just said. Yuuko did the same. Takeru, on the other hand, just simply look at them, he'd already know that fact, that's why he wasn't surprise to hear that. The doctor stared at them professionally, though he was really trying to restrain himself from copying their action.

"Mom?" Hikari purred, looking at her mother to find some sort of disgust but found nothing. "Are you mad?"

"No. of course not." She said, regaining her composure. "He's my son after all, I should accept him whatever he is. I was just….. shock I guess and….. a little disappointed because you didn't tell me. It seems like you don't trust me! I'm your mother." She scolded lightly.

"Sorry, I didn't tell you because Taichi said he would tell you personally. He's just looking for the right time. But I guess he's not going to do that anymore because I already did."

"Is that what depressing him?"

"No."

"Huh?" Yuuko seemed confused. "If that's not what depressing him, then what is it?"

"His boyfriend broke up with him." Hikari stated simply and the room went silent again as well as their shocked expression was back. And this time, Takeru joined them. He wasn't shock about Taichi having a boyfriend because he already knew that and that's what actually broke his heart when he finds out. But what shocked him was the news that they already broke up. He was going to be happy about that if it wasn't because of the situation right now. Anger started to boil up inside him and Hikari knew that, that's what she was expecting from her best friend especially if it's about Taichi being hurt. He clenched his fist and he gritted his teeth. 'How dare that bastard to hurt Taichi! He's going to pay.'

"Takeru, are you alright?" Yamato asked him, noticing his odd expression. Takeru calmed a bit. 'This is not the right time to do that.' He told himself.

Seeing Takeru have already calmed down, Hikari began talking again. "They'd been together for almost two years and Haruki was his first. He loves him so much. Taichi's world revolved around him. He always wants him to be around. He told me before that if they'd got older, he likes to live in a house with him. He'd created dreams in the future for the both of them. And now he was gone, he was completely loss."

"Why'd they broke up?" Yamato asked interestedly.

"From what he told me, Haruki cheated on him. He was willing to forgive him just to stay, but Haruki seems like he don't want to continue their relationship anymore." She said and noticed that Takeru jerked up slightly at his seat but said nothing.

The doctor nodded, now understanding the whole situation completely.

On the other hand, Yuuko was a little baffled, not by the break up and boyfriend thing but about the suicide attempt of his son. "But I still don't understand, yeah that would really upset him and make him depressed. But, I don't understand why Taichi would come to the point of killing himself. I'd seen him depressed many times before but I never thought this would happen."

The doctor loudly cleared his throat, calling their attention. He thinks it would be the right time to explain everything.

"Many of us don't think of depression as a life-threatening illness in the same way we do cancer, but it's important to remember that in severe cases, depression can lead to suicide. Depression is triggered by several negative life experiences that lead people to focus mostly on failures and disappointments. A situation like a serious loss, divorce, death of loved ones, separation or a break up of a relationship can cause someone to feel desperately upset."

"Someone with severe depression is unable to see the possibility of a good outcome and may believe they will never be happy or things will never go right for them again. It affects a person's thoughts in such a way that the person doesn't see when a problem can be overcome. It's as if the depression puts a filter on the person's thinking that distorts things. That's why depressed people don't realize that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem in the same way that other people do."

A teen like Taichi with depression may feel like there's no other way out of problems, no other escape from emotional pain, or no other way to communicate a desperate unhappiness. Sometimes people who feel suicidal may not even realize they are depressed. They're unaware that it is the DEPRESSION — not the SITUATION — that's influencing them to see things in a 'there's no way out', 'it will never get better', 'there's nothing I can do' kind of way."

"Some people who attempt suicide mean to die. But some didn't want to die as much as they wanted to escape from what was going on. For some, a suicide attempt is a way to express deep emotional pain. They can't say how they feel, so, for them, attempting suicide feels like the only way to get their message across. Sadly, many people who really didn't mean to kill themselves end up dead or critically ill."

The doctor finished his long, long speech with a sigh and started to open some random folders and was typing something on his laptop. The four listeners in the room felt silent already understanding all about depression and suicide thing. Yamato felt his head was spinning because of all the things the doctored have explained. But despite of how depressing it was, Yamato found himself attentively listening while the doctor was speaking and he almost memorized the speech.

The doctor turned to the again after letting his long inauguratory speech sink into their brains. "I still have to run some psychological test about his depression. With all the symptoms he'd shown, there was a high possibility that Taichi might have a Major Depressive Disorder. It can be treated though in Taichi's case, which has a high risk of committing suicide, he needs to be hospitalized. He needs a medical diagnosis for a longer period of time for an effective treatment to his depression." He closed his laptop and arranged the folders on his desk. "He might still undergo a major depressive episode when he wakes up. As for that, support from family and friends would be a great help for him. It would make him feel better if he knows that he was not alone with facing his problem."

They stayed for a while, talking to the doctor on how help Taichi. After that, they all went home very tired and worn out. Luckily, Yamato and Takeru's parents were still at work when they arrived to their apartment.

The next day, Hikari and Takeru, despite of their protest, have to go to school for some important project they'd been working on for a week. Yamato has a band practice for their upcoming gig. However, in an unexplainable reason, Yamato found himself standing in front of Taichi's hospital room. He push the door lightly and silently walked inside, sitting on the stool beside Taichi's bed. Yamato stared at the sleeping figure, listening as Taichi snore lightly. He just sat there in silence for a while longer, enjoying the company of his sleeping companion. He moved closer, focusing on the brunette's tan face, scanning every angle of his facial feature; pink dry kissable lips, fine delicate brown eyebrows, high cheek bones and well-sculpted jaw line that were covered with his perfectly smooth tanned skin.

Yamato stood up from the chair and sat on the side of Taichi's bed. He absent-mindedly brought a hand on Taichi's broad chest that rose in every breath, feeling his heart beat's rhythm. He hasn't realized how beautiful the brunette was since he hasn't gotten this close to him before. He slowly moved his hand on the sleeping man's face, pushing some errant bangs that covered his eyes. His eyes, if he could see his it. Little by little, he leaned forward staring at his closed eyes until he could feel Taichi's warm breath on his face. Their faces were only centimeters away; one swift move would end him kissing the brunette. Slowly, Taichi's eyes flutter open and he found himself being hypnotized by a half-open, half-close mound of golden brown orbs that was staring at his very soul. Before he knew it, a soft pair of lips was pressed against his own. Yamato froze and his mind went blank.

Suddenly, a loud clanging sound was heard outside the room, bringing Yamato to his senses who jumped out of the bed, eyes were wide as he stared at the lying brunette whose eyes were closed again but a smile was already present on his face. Did the things he thinks that happened just happened?

"AGHHHHH!" Yamato screamed as he practically jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand touched his shoulder. He turned sharply to the nurse who had almost gave a heart attack and glared at her.

"You shouldn't have done that! You'd almost killed me!" he exclaimed as he exited the room hastily, leaving the terrified nurse by herself.

Yamato was sitting on a small bench in front of a large tree just a few meters away from the hospital. It's already five o'clock in the afternoon and he's been sitting there for almost three hours after that little incident in Taichi's room had happened. He was completely lost in his own world of thoughts and he didn't notice a small figure coming towards him.

'Did that really happened or it's just my imagination? Or maybe…'

"Yamato?"

Yamato jumped, startled at the new presence beside him. He looked up at Hikari and groaned. "What's wrong with people startling me today?"

Hikari just smiled and shrugged her shoulder innocently.

"Where's Takeru?" he asked her noticing that his brother was nowhere in sight.

"Detention." She stated simply, taking a seat beside the older blonde.

"Huh? Why, what happened?'

"He started a fight. He'd gone murderous when he saw Haruki. The guy was beaten up pretty badly… but I think he deserved it, after what he did to my brother."

Yamato stared at her, eyebrows were raised. He was half-shocked and half-proud at his brother, Hikari just smiled at him.

"Takeru was scary sometimes, people should watch out for that. He's not that innocent after all."

Yamato laughed at her statement about his brother. They sat there a little longer, chatting with each other until they heard a scream from a few people standing in front of the hospital building. Curiously, the two walked over towards the group of people who was staring upward. They were pointing at the figure of a boy with a bushy hair standing at the edge of the hospital's rooftop. Their eyes widen as they recognized the boy.

"Shit, it's Taichi!"

The fresh air softly brushed his skin as his hair lightly bounced on his face, following the direction of the wind were going to. He inhaled deeply as he closed his eyes and opened it as he breathed out. He looked at the beautiful scenery of Odaiba around him. But nothing would compare to the angel he saw in his dream, he has a golden blonde hair, pale caramel skin and icy sapphire eyes that made his heart stop as they silently read his core. Everything seemed so real as the burning lips catch his that made all the pain he felt vanished complete at the contact. But he realized that it was just a dream when he opened his eyes and found no one, no angel, no one in particular, he was completely alone, all the pain came coming back and hit him so hard. He was left by himself in dark hospital room. No one really cares…

He looked down at his freshly wounded wrist, blood was still leaking out from the cut he'd made and slowly covered his entire arm to his elbow. He didn't care though, the physical pain was nothing compared to the pain he felt inside. His eyes started to water as he released a faint sob of loneliness and sorrow.

He stepped on the four inches high concrete wall that lined the edges of the roof top; it was also four inches in width so people wouldn't fall if they sat there, unless they planned on committing suicide just like what he's planning to do and jumped to death. He looked down the building and breathed in for air, maybe it's the only way, maybe if he died; he wouldn't feel the pain anymore. Maybe…

Yamato and Hikari were impatiently waiting inside the elevator as it goes up slowly. Yamato was getting impatient as he tapped his feet against the floor nervously. The door opened on the middle part of the building and few people entered, unaware of what was going on. Losing his patience, he stepped out of the elevator, shoving some people harshly as he get on his way and run for the stairs, leaving Hikari on her own. Skipping three to four steps at a time, he speedily reached closer to the roof top door. Red trails of blood in every step of the stairs were very noticeable and his nervousness grew wilder. Yamato reached the door that leads to the roof top and grabbed it and swiftly opened it.

"TAICHI DON'T!"

Taichi turned around at the man who took him by surprise and glared at him. "What do you want!"

"Taichi, I know what you feel but this is not the answer to all the pain you felt inside. Taichi don't do this."

"Why do you care!" he snapped, ignoring the plea of the familiar stranger who was trying to be his hero. "You don't even know me. And how can you say that you know what I feel, you're not the one who was left. No one knows how I feel so don't you ever say that you did because you don't. You don't understand!"

Yamato carefully moved closer, his hands were in a grabbing position as he tried to negotiate with Taichi. "Then let me understand how you feel, tell me how to help you!"

Taichi just shook his head; his face was wet with tears that continuously flow from his eyes as he took a step back. His one foot was already at the edge of the concrete. "It's over! It's over! He's gone, he'd left me and I'm all alone. No one loves me, no one cares for me. He's the only one I have. It's over! My life has no meaning without him. I want to die. I WANT TO DIE!"

"Brother, stop! Don't do this!" Hikari suddenly emerged, crying as she begged for her brother to stop. "You're wrong Tai, we love you, and we care for you! You have us Tai, please don't do this!" Few nurses and doctors came up too with Takeru and Mrs. Yagami who was already crying her heart for her son's misery.

Yamato moved closer again and this time, Taichi didn't flinch away. "Don't under-estimate yourself Tai, without your presence; someone's life would be incomplete." He said softly with sincerity, his voice was really convincing. "Don't waste your life to someone who didn't deserve it. You have your family; you have your friends that care for you, who love you so much! Live for them Tai! Live for us who care. I promise, you wouldn't feel this pain anymore, just let me help you!" he stretched his arms and offered his hand for Taichi to take it.

Taichi look at the hand that was offered to him. Then he moved his gazed to his sister and then to his mother. He didn't realize before how much he'd been hurting him. The whole situation was making his mother and Hikari worry. As well as his friends, namely Takeru who showed how he really care for him. And then this stranger, whom he soon recognize was Takeru's brother, Yamato. He moved his gaze back at the hand, and then to the owner. He was right; this is not the answer to all his problems. He raised his hand and smile, he slowly reached for the pale hand that was offered to him, for the new hope he found. Their hands were only half an inch apart when suddenly his foot that was stepping on the edge of the concrete slipped. They all screamed in horror, both the people in the roof top and the crowd that was gathered at the foot of the building. He felt the cold air flow over his body as he fell. Everything turned into a slow motion for Taichi. Suddenly, a strong hand grabbed his bloody wrist and he was hanging in mi-air. He looked up and saw the angelic face of his savior and those blue eyes of desperation.

"Hold on Tai! Hold my hands and I will pull you up." He said with struggle.

The blood his wrist was making it slippery, making it hard for Yamato to pull him up. But the desperation in Yamato's eyes gave him a new strength not to give up. He grasped Yamato's hand tightly and he felt he was being pulled, slowly but surely. It wasn't long until he was on his feet again with Yamato still holding his hand. The people cheered in pure delight. Hikari, Takeru and his mother rushed over them and hugged them both.

Taichi turned to Yamato when the others let go of them and embraced him tightly, much to the blonde's surprise. "Thank you!" he barely whispered and smiled on Yamato's shoulder.

Yamato smiled too and returned the hug. "You're welcome, Taichi! You're welcome!"

The people cheered again and praised their hero.

…

"Hero my ass! You're the most horrible hero that had ever existed." He said to himself as he parked his car outside their apartment. He got out of the car and rushed inside their apartment. Inside, the room was in a mess. Furniture, picture frames, glasses was thrown throughout the room. Ignoring the mess, he immediately went to the kitchen and bathroom but Taichi was nowhere. But the sight of scattered pills on the floor frightened him. He ran to the only room that was left, their bedroom. He pushed the door wide open and stopped on what he saw.

"Taichi."

-end of 2nd chapter-

**Dark Sorcerer of Fire: **well, what you guyz think about this chapter? What do you think happened to Taichi in the bedroom? Was Yamato already late? Hope this chapter answered some question in your mind. The first part of this chapter was really in a rush and a bit boring for me to write but it is needed to be written. About the depression thing of Tai-Tai.. I made a research about that, and it made me really depressed. I wrote the whole inauguration speech about depression to help some people who was suffering from it and to those who knew someone who was suffering depression. It's quite helpful, I guess. Well thanks for reading people and I really hope that you like it. Reviews would be greatly appreciated; I hope I would get more reviews for this chapter. Don't let the white flame dies, because if it did, this story would be in coma. Suggestions and any form of criticism are welcome. Pointless flames, I would just izkemberlu them and use for my fireworks when this story came to success. Thanks once again! Just always remember, no one knows what's going on inside my mind, except me. Expect the unexpected people!

-Until the Next Chapter-

P.S.: I have a new story coming this December, hope you would like it too. I'm still not sure 'bout the title but the story is something different.


	3. Right Decision

**Summary:**To end a relationship that you'd been holding to last forever is the hardest thing to do. What life could be there when they finally went on their separate ways? Can Taichi find the strength to let Yamato go? Would Yamato find the freedom he'd been looking for?

**Dark Sorcerer of Fire:** okeii, first of all I wanted to say thank you for your reviews and thanks for putting this story on your favorites and story alerts. There's a lot of churvaness happened in my life these past few weeks so I haven't got the time to work on this chapter, but now here it is so read on. This is a revelation chapter. Since I already explained Taichi's side last chapter, I'm going to explain the other's side so it would be fair. The rating was changed into M because of future chapters. I just think it would be fair to write lemons in here since I already started them being a couple in this story.

Oh and I don't own the song lyrics of It's Over Now that I've written in here, it belongs to Kyla.

**Standard Diclaimer:**I don't own Digimon and any of its character because if I did, you're not sitting in front of your computer and reading this fanfic. Instead, you're sitting inside the theatre and watching this story on a big huge screen with matching popcorn and soda (plus if you have someone special like boyfriend or girlfriend who support yaoi digmon stories especially Yamachi and Taito).

**Warnings:**Some strong languages, yaoi, AU, and a major OOCness to the max.

**Tears of Letting Go**

**By: Johan Lee**

**Chapter 3: Right Decision**

'_You, you turned and walked away  
>I didn't know what to say<br>I close my eyes to hide  
>The pain I felt inside'<em>

"Well maybe this relationship isn't working anymore!"

"Maybe I'd stop believing! Maybe I don't love you anymore! Maybe we should end this!"

Yamato's words keep on repeating over and over inside his head like a tape recorder as he watched the blonde's retreating back towards the door. "It's over!" he whispered more likely to himself than to anyone else. He lowered his gaze to his lap as he closed his eyes to keep the tears from flowing. But it's useless as he felt them slowly traveled down his cheeks and fell down to his trembling hands on his lap.

"Goodbye Taichi." He heard once again the voice that had just broke his heart in a million pieces a moment ago. And then the footsteps slowly fade away until it can't be heard anymore.

'_I could never understand  
>How love went out of hand<br>And now, there's nothing I can do'_

Loud uncontrollable sobs started to escape from his lips as he buried his hands. What have he done wrong? He couldn't understand why is this happening him. He'd done everything that he could; he sacrificed himself, his dreams. But why? Why does everyone he loved, he treasured always leave. His father. Haruki. And now Yamato.

_'Now, I'm left here all alone  
>A heart without a home<br>How will I ever find  
>The love I left behind'<em>

"What have I done wrong?" he murmured as he lifted his head from his hands and glared at the open door where Yamato have just exited. Anger started to flare up inside him as well as the pain, and tears started to swell down his eyes once again.

"What did I do wrong to deserve something like this!" he cried as he shoved all the things that was place down the top of the coffee table; including the glass he gave to Yamato before their heated arguments that leads to a sudden break up started. He got up from where he was sitting and kicked the coffee table making it to stumble upside down. Ignoring the pain on his foot, he walked towards the shelf where some of their memorable photos were placed on different picture frame they'd bought together. He picked first the photo of them together that was taken in the beach. Their first picture together, four months after the suicide incident in the hospital. He stared at it with shaking hands holding the object and his tears fell on the glass of the frame.

'_Once the days were ours to share  
>Now you don't even care<br>And there's still nothing I can do'_

"I thought you would never leave me! You said I would never feel the pain again. But why…? Why did you leave me? Why do I feel this pain? You promised me Yamato….YOU PROMISED ME!" he yelled as he threw the object he was holding with all of his might. The frame shattered as it hit the concrete wall. Taichi picked another one and threw it again and it shattered just like the first. He picked another one, and another one, and hurled it and then shoved the others with his two arms as he cried loudly.

Some of the neighbors were awakened by the loud noises. But he didn't care. Taichi run to the other shelf and throw the first thing he could grab. A small radio that flew across the room crashed on the CD rack and pile of CDs fell down on the floor. Vases were also thrown as he tramped them with the back of his hands. He was about to throw the next thing he grasped but was stopped when he saw what it is: a bottle of sleeping pills.

'How did this thing get here? Shouldn't it be on the medicine cabinet?'

A thought suddenly struck his mind as he stopped on crying. He started his way into the kitchen, ignoring the mess before him. He grabbed a glass and filled it with water. He placed it on the sink and stared at the bottle of medicine on his hands. He opened it and poured a large amount on his palms, almost emptying the bottle. This had happened before, but he was never expecting this is going to happen again.

"You promised me Yamato that I would never feel this pain again. You promised me a lot of things and I believe in it. But you broke it. You said no one would ever hurt me again, but why am I hurting like this? Why did you leave me?" he whispered.

He slowly raised his hands to his mouth. When he was about to throw the large amount of drugs that would surely kill him for just a few hours, he stopped himself abruptly.

Why was he doing this? Was this really the answer for the pain he felt? Taking his own life? …Again? Yama said it's not? If he killed himself, 'Kari and his mother would get hurt. And all the people who loved him would get hurt too. He didn't want that. Death is not the answer to end all the pain.

But….

But the pain was too much.

And Yamato….

He wasn't there anymore to take all the pain away, because he was the one who caused it in the first place.

What should he do now?

Now that Yamato wasn't there anymore.

Who would help him out of this misery? Who….

"Taichi!"

Suddenly, someone burst out of the door and ran towards him.

He grabbed Taichi's wrist and all the pills the brunette was holding fell and scattered around the floor. The next thing Taichi knew was being held by two strong arms who pulled him in a desperate hug, protectively.

"Don't you ever do that againTai…" the blue eyed blonde said, voice was full of concern, fear and relief at the same time.

"Takeru."

It was all Taichi could manage to say as he slowly closed his eyes and sobbed on the young man's chest.

Takeru was 17 years old, 2 years younger than Taichi and Yamato. Despite of this, he still managed to be more responsible than his brother. He appeared more mature in his age than he should be. His body was more toned than Yamato and he's two inches taller than Taichi now, something they mostly argued about. He went to gym regularly and he was still in his school's basketball team. Takeru was now their team's captain and the most valuable player in basketball sport section. Fun, caring, sweet; the kind of guy you would dream to be with. Almost every girl in their school was after him, but too bad for them because his heart only beats for the person he loved since he was thirteen. But the only one he couldn't be with, because that person was already with someone else. And that someone else is the only one he didn't wish to be his rival.

Taichi sat on his and Yamato's bed. He didn't know how, but he was there sitting and hiccupping as he leaned on Takeru's solid frame for warmth and comfort. Taichi would feel a bit uncomfortable seeing it was strange that an older guy like him was leaning for support to a younger one like Takeru. But he didn't care, Takeru was his friend anyway. Takeru was always there every time he needed him. He was his best friend before Yamato came. He would consider Takeru if he was…. NO! Takeru was straight, he was dating his sister right? Was he? Hikari haven't told him she was dating Takeru. But it looks like they were. Anyways, he shouldn't be thinking about that. And besides, he love Yamato, even if he already left him. But now Takeru was here, as long as someone wants to stay, he wouldn't feel alone anymore, even if the pain was still there.

The door to the bedroom was suddenly pushed wide open and a figure emerged the room. There, Yamato stood by the door, panting lightly as he stopped on his track with a slight surprise expression on his face, as well as relief.

"Taichi."

Million of thoughts ran in Yamato's head when he was about to open the door. What if he was already late? What if Taichi was already dead or Taichi wasn't there and went off to a place where he couldn't find him and killed himself there and then. What if…

Yamato's thoughts stopped abruptly when the door swung open. What he saw wasn't really what he's expecting and it took him by surprise. Taichi sat there still sobbing quietly with closed eyes on Takeru's chest as the young blonde wrapped his arms around the brunette comfortingly.

Yamato didn't know what he should feel about it. Should he be jealous especially now that he found out his brother has something for his boyfriend. Well ex-boyfriend. Or he should be thankful that Takeru came before anything worse happened. Choosing the latter, he pushed the other thought on the back of his brain and uttered the brunette's name.

The called brown-haired man's head jerked up and looked at him. In a flash of light, Taichi had freed himself from the younger blonde's comforting grasp and threw himself on Yamato's arms, hugging the older blonde tightly like a boy not wanting to let go his favorite toy.

"Oh Yama, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I should have said that. Please don't leave me again."

"No Tai. Don't be sorry. I should be the one apologizing to you. Please forgive me! I'm drunk and I shouldn't have made any decision like that. I'm sorry if I hurt you Tai!"

"You mean you didn't really mean to say that you stop believing in our relationship? That you still love me? That ….that you…."

"Yes Tai. I didn't mean all of that and I still love you!" Yamato leaned down and catched the brunette's lips, kissing him softly.

"I love you too Yama!" Taichi replied as heburied his face on the the crook of the blonde's neck, settling his on his lover's embrace.

Yamato sighed and looked away as Taichi said he loved him.

'Why are you so forgiving Tai? After all the bad things I've done, why? I don't deserve it.' He thought as he ran his fingers on Taichi's soft hair.

On the other side of the bed, Takeru sat still, trying to block Taichi's words that he wished it was for him, that he still loved Yamato after all the things he have done. He knew he shouldn't be feeling envious especially at a time like this, but he can't help it. He was already there! More willing to give everything he have for Taichi, but it's still Yamato. With a single whisper from him, Taichi was already out of his grasp. Why? What does Yamato have that he don't? why does he always choose Yamato?

Takeru stood up from his spot, trying to put a blank face as he walked pass the couple. He tried his best, just like what he always did to hide the pain he felt when he gazed at Taichi whose face was buried on his brother's neck. How he wished it should have been him.

"Takeru," his brother called, making him to stop on his way out of the door. "Thank you."

Takeru didn't say anything as he close the door. He was well aware of the fact that he had already told Yamato the secret he'd been hiding in the closet of his heart. His feeling for Taichi. And he confessed it to the only person he didn't want to find out. His brother, Yamato.

Sleep claimed the brunette after a whole lot of crying. Yamato's reassurance of never leaving him again made him let sleep took over.

Yamato run his thumb to the sleeping man's still wet face, erasing the last evidence of pain and sadness that he'd cause.

"I'm sorry Tai." He whispered as he pushed some errant bangs from the brunette's face. "I'm sorry for being insensitive to your feelings, for being an uncaring boyfriend. I'm sorry for the pain that I've cause. You didn't deserve it."

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and sigh. "You didn't deserve someone like me. I'm just a piece of crap that was a burden to you, yet you're still here putting up with me by sacrificing yourself." A single tear traveled down his pale cheek that fall on Taichi's shirt. "Why? Do you really love me that much? I don't know how can you keep on saying that you love me after all the things I've done. You can actually just kicked me out of your life and find someone else better than me, but you didn't. Instead you still choose to be here with me. But maybe I don't want you to leave me either."

Yamato knew it was his entire fault. It wasn't so hard to admit. He's the one who ruined their once so called perfect relationship, though nothing was really perfect in this world, they were so close to that, until he started fucking up his life because he was so afflicted upon those things he'd already lost.

What had happened to his band wasn't really a big deal to him at first since his reason was really worth it. But as days gone by, he started doubting his decision every time he looked at his boyfriend. Was a life with Taichi was what he really wanted for the rest of his life? Yes, it was. But what about his dreams? He didn't know where he was going to place himself in this world without his band. Life was so boring for him without music. He needed them, but he also needs Taichi. He needed them both, but he only have to choose only one of them, Taichi or his band?

He was so confused that day when he decided to go out with Hiroshi and Hajime, his former electric guitarist and keyboardist. Unlike his former drummer Akira and rhythm guitarist Ichirou who was really against his decision, Hiroshi and Hajime were always on his side whatever his decision was.

They started with only light alcoholic drinks. Then some fans that didn't know that they're no longer a band offered a free drink for the three of them. And it was followed with another set of free heavier cocktails and followed with another one until they didn't know what they were doing. The next thing Yamato knew was waking up the next morning in an unfamiliar bed with a naked girl lying down beside him and so was he. Not even daring to wake up the girl, he put on his clothes and immediately dashed out of that room.

When he got home, all the guilt over-rushed through all the veins of his body when he found Taichi restlessly lying on the couch, had fallen asleep while waiting for him to all night.

Yamato told himself that that unfaithful night shouldn't have happened and will never going to happen again. But he found himself doing it over and over almost every night. He drowned himself in too much alcohol and some kind of ecstatic drugs which was introduced to him by one of the guy he slept before. It made him forget all the things he'd been thinking and worrying about. And the result: there he was again, lying in a bed with a naked stranger next to him. Then he would go home, trying his best to act like nothing really happened and again finding Taichi there, either had already fallen asleep on the couch or was still sitting there with tired terrible eyes, patiently waiting for him.

Taichi was always there. No matter how long he has to wait. Or no matter how long Yamato would keep on doing this. He would just sit there, persistently. When the door have cracked open and Yamato emerged, he would stand up and approached the man he'd been waiting for who knows how long. But it doesn't matter to him; he would just smile understandingly and forgivingly. He would kiss the blonde's alcohol-taste lips and warmly wrapped his arms around him.

He always did that; he would always smile forgivingly no matter how much he was already hurting. He wish Taichi would stop being so nice and caring. That Taichi would get mad and accusing every time he went home late. He wished he would, so leaving him every night doesn't made him feel so wretched.

But he wished he didn't wish anything. He was so hurt when Taichi suddenly got mad and started flaunting on him, though the brunette has every right to do that. What made it worse was when he couldn't control himself because he was drugged and drunk, and he spurted those words he didn't really mean to say in that way.

But the most painful of all was when he realized what he have done. When he finally remembered his every reason on why he choose Taichi over his band. Well, thanks to his brother who knocked some sense to him and brought up the past that they'd been dreading to happen again.

Yamato knew that the moment he got bored or when he thinks their relationship wasn't really working anymore and they have to break up, Taichi might possibly tried committing suicide again. He knew that; Yamato knew all the consequences that might happened if he committed himself to Taichi, yet he still did.

Taichi had actually given him the chance to think about it first since he was in a relationship that time with his childhood friend who happened to be his first love. Yamato courted the girl for almost three years and when he finally accepted that maybe she just wanted them to be friends and nothing more, she suddenly showed up and told him that she was ready for a relationship. That time, he'd already have feelings for Taichi.

When few guys started to show some interest to the brunette, he got scared that Taichi might fall to the wrong person and get hurt again. So, taking all the risk, he broke up with the girl and asked Taichi out. He didn't regret his decision. He knew that Taichi wouldn't get hurt if he was with him. He said it was so impossible him hurting Taichi because he loves him so much. Yamato made a lot of promises that made the brunette believe that they were really meant for each other. They even got Taichi's mom's approval who have gotten strict about her son's love life after what have happened in the hospital. They've got all their friends support saying that Yamato was really the perfect one for Taichi.

But time and situation have changed everything. They didn't really expecting this kind of woe in their life. But the worst part of it was while Taichi was trying to salvage their falling relationship, Yamato wasn't trying to do anything helpful. Instead, he keep on doing what is wrong than to do things to make it right.

And now, the damage was done. But maybe… maybe it wasn't too late to correct all the mistakes. He'd already learned his lessons.

_It's never too late to learn, but most of the time, we learn when it's too late._

Leaning down, Yamato placed the side of his head on Taichi's chest, sighing as he closed his eyes contentedly.

"We're going to be fine Tai-Chan! We're going to be what we were before. We're going to start all over again. That's a promise!" he said as he got up of the bed and planted a long soft kiss on the sleeping man's lips.

He walked towards the door to grab some glass of water in the kitchen. When he opened the door and stepped on the living room, he noticed that the mess was already cleaned up though there were still some few things that seemed so out of place. He also noticed that his younger brother was still there, sitting on the couch, arms were crossed on his chest and his eyes were close.

Instead of going to kitchen, he approached his brother. He opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, Takeru spoke.

"Why?" he asked softly, making Yamato to feel that their talk is going to be an awkward one.

"Huh?"

"Why'd you come back? I thought you didn't care anymore. Why a sudden change of mind, brother?"

Takeru's voice was a bare whisper yet Yamato could still hear the coldness of his tone and he almost cringe at the use of the word brother. But he really understands now why, and it's because of Taichi. Takeru was a very supportive brother to him in so many things but he becomes a different person if the matter was concerning Taichi.

Yamato looked down, unsure of what to say.

"You shouldn't have come back you know. You said it's not working anymore. That it's the best for the both of you." Takeru informed him.

"And it's not!" Yamato snapped at Takeru's last sentence though he wasn't really mad at anyone than to himself.

"Yes it's not and coming back isn't the best either!"

Yamato look at his brother and frown. "What do you mean it's not? We're fine. Everything is going to be fine. I already made a promise."

"That was actually the point. You made a promise before and you broke it. Now you made a promise again and you might just break it once more and he would get hurt again!" Takeru shot up standing as he get angrier.

"I will not this time!"

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I love him!"

"You said you didn't anymore!"

"I was wrong when I say that!"

"You're just saying that because you're guilty! It's not your heart, it's your conscience!"

"You're just saying that because you know you can't have him when I'm around. It's your enviousness and not you being concern!"

Their bickering stops when Takeru was caught off-guard by his brother's retort.

Yamato regretted saying his last reply when he saw the pain of reality in his brother's eyes. His words have hurt Takeru too much. He was sure that he had hit a very sensitive spot on his brother.

They fell into silence in minutes until Takeru spoke again. "You're wrong." He said with a sad expression in his face. "Yes I have feelings for Taichi and I badly wanted to be with him. But it's not my intention to take advantage on him in situation like this. I just want to make sure that he wouldn't get hurt again; that you're not doing this just because you feel you have to. Because if you're just feeling obligated to do this, then it would only worsen your both situation. If you feel compelled in staying with him, it would only be a matter of time and you would get bored and dejected being with him because you didn't love him anymore. But even if you want to let go you can't because you know he would get hurt. So you're going to stay even if you didn't want anymore. You're going to lockup yourself in a broken relationship where there's no love anymore, only an obligation to act upon. This is not just about Taichi's sake; it's also for yours 'Nii-san."

Takeru walked towards the front door and glance back at his brother. "If you really love him, then I wish you all the best. I really hope you made the right decision. I don't want you two to get hurt." Then he exited the house, living Yamato to think by himself.

-end of 3rd Chapter-

**Dark Sorcerer of Fire: **okeii, did you guyz really expecting that to happen? I bet not! But I'm still going to say it: The Yamachi-Takechi love triangle have already begun. It's actually my plan from the very beginning, to write a love triangle between them three since I think using Sora is a very over-used idea in Yamachi fics, isn't it. I love Sora but she needs a break, okay? Don't say that my idea is illogical and non-sense because Yamato and Takeru being a rival would really test how strong their relationship as brothers. If you think they're too out of character, well I couldn't argue with that but this is an AU. I control their lives to make this story more twisted and different.

Okay, review review people because this might be my last update for Tears Of Letting Go. But it doesn't mean it's already the end, we're just in the beginning and I'm not going to leave this forever. I'm not that kind of a writer who started writing a fic but didn't finish it. Whatever happens I'm going to finish my stories. I'm just going to work on other stories I want to publish next year. That's why you have to read my SIDE NOTE.

**SIDE NOTE:** if you guyz remember the story I've been talking about last chapter that I want to publish this Dec? Well, sorry I can't because I have better plans. Instead of just one story, I have SIX STORIES that I want to publish. But I need your help guyz bec. I'm having troubles in choosing which one I would publish first so please visit my profile and look for the: _**"Love Magic Presents: Yamachi/Taito 2012".**_

Vote for the story that might interest you or something that really caught you're attention. If I haven't got enough votes I would just stick on this story and just picked a story on my own.

Voting would stop if a story had already reached a rightful amount of vote.

Well thanks again for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. Vote! Vote! Vote! people.

**-oh and I'm already on facebook. Add me if you want. dark_sorcerer_of_fire () y.c.**


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